I'm slowly coming along with writing my new book, "Flowers in the Desert: A 90-Day Survival Guide For Those Who Have Experienced Tragedy." Below is one of the survival tips and an excerpt from the book. Thank you for all of your support and prayers as I write this book!
Survival
Tip #13 – It’s Okay to Be Fire Spitting Mad!
Go
ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel
for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the Devil
that kind of foothold in your life. (Ephesians
4:26-27, The Message)
Anger is an emotion that is very
powerful. Most people are afraid of anger, and rightly so, because it can be
destructive. After tragedies, we experience a full range of emotions. Sadness,
fear, and guilt are some of the most common emotions people experience, following
a tragedy. Anger is also an emotion we feel, but most often, we push it down,
instead of allowing the emotion to manifest.
Anger is normal. It is one of the major
emotions and it is okay for you to feel anger! Anger is also part of the stages
of grief, which demonstrates that feelings of anger are very normal. In fact,
anger is an emotion that is essential for you to express. The reason is because
anger cuts to the quick of the gammit of emotions, and gives you the lighter
fluid to express many of the feelings and thoughts you feel too guilty, to
articulate.
Typically, we will talk about 90% of
what we feel, but we hold back 10%. You may think that it’s pretty good if you
talk about 90% of what you feel, but the problem is that the real stuff and the
heart of what you’re feeling, hides in the 10%. This small part is where resentment, bitterness and hopelessness, hide
and grow. Before you know it, the 10% becomes the 90%, if not dealt with.
This is where anger comes in and gives you permission to deal with that 10%.
A few weeks after my tragedy, we moved out of our house. I found some dishes that I never used and had an idea
to express my anger. I involved my boys in this process and together, we took
sharpies and wrote what we were angry about on the dishes. Then, we took turns
throwing the dishes at the wall, in our garage. It was incredibly cleansing to throw the
dishes with every bit of force we had, and watch them shatter. We cheered each
other on and this became a very connecting event that allowed us to fully
express our anger. After all of the dishes had been sufficiently broken, we all
felt better and lighter. There was something about this exercise that fueled my
motivation. From that day forward, I felt a resilience and desire to get
through my tragedy and be a better person. I vowed not to be bitter and that
day was life-changing for me.
Maybe you have some old dishes at home
you can break. If not, go to a thrift shop, and buy some dishes. Get a sharpie
and write everything you are angry about on the dishes. Then, find a place to
smash them and shatter them. Another suggestion to express your anger is to
write down everything you are mad about and then either burn or rip the papers
into shreds. The point is, to get your anger out and allow yourself to feel and
deal with the thoughts and feelings, you have been too afraid to express.
Giving yourself permission to be angry
is crucial in your process. Today’s Scripture verse gives you permission to be
angry. It also gives important pieces of wisdom as well.
1.
Be
angry because it serves a purpose.
2.
Don’t
seek revenge.
3.
Don’t
stay in an angry state.
4.
Don’t
go to bed angry
5.
Don’t
let anger become a foothold in your life.
Tragedy places us on a path, and although it isn’t the
path we would have chosen; nevertheless, it is our path. We can choose to heal,
or we can sit down on the path and refuse to move. Inevitably, we all get stuck
and taking one more step on our path can seem difficult. Anger can kick us in
the pants and provide cleansing and motivation to continue, if handled in the
right way.
Hmmm..maybe I need some anger management classes? My name is Angie, and these are my confessions.
