As a Professional Counselor, I was trained to understand the human brain and behavior. I was trained to have a "poker face," so that when clients share their shocking or horrific stories, I can remain calm and in control. I was trained to leave my work at work, and NOT to bring it home.
On the other hand, I was born with a big heart for other people. I was given a gift of compassion and a desire to be kind and love people. I find such fulfillment in helping others.
So, how can these two realities coexist? How can I be a professional who leaves her work at work, maintains a professional appearance and yet remain true to who I naturally am as a person?
Since this blog is all about confessions...well I must confess, I have found this to be quite the struggle this week. There are a few clients who worry about, when I am not at work. There have been many times I have awakened in the middle of the night concerned about my clients. Last night was one of those nights..
Yesterday at our office, we received news that a teenage girl from a High School here in Parker committed suicide. A room full of counseling professionals were stunned, saddened and sickened. I began to comb through my list of clients, hoping and praying it wasn't one of mine. Thankfully, it was not, but I still had to leave my office and walk around to compose myself. As I walked outside, I sobbed as I thought about the young girl who took her own life. How was it that she felt so alone and so hopeless that she resorted to suicide? More questions followed as I thought about my caseload and wondered if I am doing enough as a therapist. Do I provide enough empathy? Should I try different techniques? Are any of my patients on the verge of taking their own lives? What more can I do to ensure none of my clients take their own lives?
I continued to wrestle with these questions the rest of the day and evening. Finally, I came to this conclusion: you just never know. I have studied suicide and read stories from people who contemplated taking their own life. Many reported that if ONE person smiled at them on the day they planned to kill themselves, they didn't follow through with the suicide on that day.
I am a competent professional, trained to help people with mental health issues, but it may not be enough. Still, the news of this suicide puts my job into perspective and motivates me to check my issues at the door, and to be ready to fully engage with my clients. Yes, there is that part of me that wants to throw my hands up and say, "forget it," but somehow I cannot. Why? Because I just never know when one of my clients may be on the verge, and that somehow being able to spend an hour in a safe place with a caring person could make the difference.
You may not be a professional counselor, but everyday you encounter people who are hurting and who are on the brink. Just a smile, a kind word or a little help may be just enough to keep them from following through with a plan to take their own life. It may sound dramatic and maybe I'm a little raw from some tough cases this week and from the heart wrenching news of a teen girl who felt she had no hope.
Still, you just never know.... So may we all be reminded to be kind, smile at a stranger, help a Mom at the store who is juggling four kids, take time to listen to a lonely elderly gentleman who wants to tell a story. Never with hold love and never be afraid to tell those people in your life how you feel. Because you just never know....
My name is Angie and these are my confessions....
