I hate porn. Yep. I said it. Out loud. In tears. In anger. In sadness. In fear. With a broken heart.
Our society tells us porn is okay and that “everyone looks at porn.” The lie is
further perpetuated by the promise that it is “no big deal,” and is just “make
believe.” Oh really? When I hear this it makes me mad. I wish the people
who make up that phooey could sit and listen to the many women in my private
practice, who tell me a much different story. The women who shed tears and
share anguish about the ways porn has impacted them, and their relationship
with their husband.
With permission, I asked some of the women I counsel if I
could communicate how they feel about porn and when their partner views porn.
These women come from many different backgrounds, socioeconomic statuses and
religions.
Here are their responses.
“I feel like the
ugliest woman on earth. How in the hell can I compete with that shit? Is that
what he expects me to look like? To act like, in the bedroom?
“I used to think porn
was okay and even watched it with my husband. Over time, he preferred porn over
me and could only get it up when we were watching porn. Do you know how that
made me feel? I felt worthless, angry and so hurt.”
“I caught my husband
jacking off to porn at his computer. I woke up in the middle of the night and
he wasn’t in bed. I went downstairs and saw him. I was so hurt. I lost respect
for him. Now, that’s the image I have in my head constantly. Does he expect me
to be turned on by him after seeing him do that?”
“I feel so degraded
and cast aside. I mean, I know all men look at porn and I used to think it was
normal, but it makes me feel like crap. I just wish my husband was that into
me. I never did, nor will I ever look like those women.”
“When I found out my
husband kept viewing porn, even after I begged him to stop, I wanted to smash
the computer with a hammer. Maybe that will get his attention! If he put the
kind of effort or time into our marriage that he puts into viewing and hiding
porn, we would have a great relationship!
“I struggle with my
self-esteem, confidence and body image. I feel like I will never measure up and
have zero confidence in the bedroom. I feel like I will never please my
husband. If I did, he wouldn’t look at porn. He always tells me when he looks
at porn, it’s not about me. Really?! Because it sure feels like it’s about me
and my inability to please him in bed.
So, do you think it is still “make believe,” or “no big
deal?” Each week, I sit with women and listen to their heartache and
together we work on ways to heal their hearts, minds, and self-esteem. I
challenge you to think about the ways porn has impacted you. Don’t buy into
society’s message that viewing porn is your right, will make your marriage better,
or is just something guys do for fun.
If you struggle with your self-image or self-worth because
your husband views porn, get help. Many women suffer in silence. You are
beautiful, sexy, and attractive and you do not have to compete with that trash.
Don’t let porn define you or your sexuality any longer!
If you would like to make an appointment with a counselor, please contact Revolution Counseling at: (720) 290-9992. Live Life to the Fullest!
