Flowers in the Desert - A New Ministry

Many of you have followed me over the last few years, following the hurricane that hit my life. It has been a long, hard road, but God has been healing and restoring both me and the boys. After nearly three years of my own recovery process, I am stepping out into a new calling.

Over the last few years, I have received numerous emails, phone calls, and Facebook messages from former pastor's wives who knew of my story and sought me out for advice, prayer and support. A stirring that began two years ago, came to an emotional head as I painfully listened to another pastor's wife share her devastation over the discovery of her husband's secret life. I am not sure what happened in me that day, but an anger welled up in me.

The scary and incredible ride of life only became more crazy when I opened my big mouth and sent an email to Dr. George Wood, who serves at the Superintendent of the Assemblies of God. The email was prompted by anger and frustration I felt after receiving news that another ordained minister with the A/G experienced a moral failure. Can I just stop and jump on my soapbox?

I am so tired of hearing stories of pastors who engage in sexual sin. I am sick and tired of watching pastor's wives and their children bear the brunt of such sin. I am appalled at the way denominations seemingly kick these pastor's wives to the curb. Okay..soapbox over..Now back to what's new and what I am going to do about this epidemic.

I sent an email to Dr. George Wood, and told him my story and my concerns. In addition, I offered some solutions to assist with this issue. One solution is an intensive counseling/treatment program I wrote, just for pastor's wives. The program is called Flowers in the Desert. It is a four-day intensive counseling program where pastor's wives (whose husbands have experienced moral failure) come and stay in my home for four days. They receive professional counseling, tools to assist them with their new and difficult road, a makeover, and a treatment program to take home.

I never expected a response from Dr. Wood, but less than 24 hours later, he responded to my email and sent the email to Dr. Jim Bradford who serves over the ordination/discipline process of the A/G. Check out the progression of events:

• One week after I sent the email to Dr. Wood, Dr. Bradford and I spoke at length on the phone regarding this issue. He wholeheartedly agreed the need is great and offered his counsel and support. In addition, we discussed the need for preventative measures to be put into place, so moral failures decrease. 

• Two weeks after the initial email was sent to Dr. Wood, I connected with my first candidate for the treatment program

• God miraculously opened the doors for financial provision so she could attend the program.

• Exactly one month after I sent my email to Dr. Wood, an amazing pastor's wife attended the treatment program.

Flowers in the Desert soft-launched with a pilot program on March 16th, but now the real work begins and there is much to be done.These women (former pastor's wives) are amazing. They have endured horrific trauma, shame and abandonment, yet stood above the trauma to lead their children and their homes. Many are now single Moms, and are faced with being providers. They have lost everything, but most are not bitter and instead walk closely with God. These women are superstars! Yet they are battle-torn and are in need of ministry and restoration.

Please stay tuned to this blog as Flowers in the Desert continues to develop. Here is a short list of what is needed. If you would like to help or contribute, that would rock!

1. Website
2. Promotional materials
3. Money - Yep. We need money to get this program rolling.
4. Speaking engagements - I would love to share my story and share about this new ministry.
5. Prayer - Since I said yes to God and stepped out in faith, my health, and my children have been under attack.
6. Coaches - I need coaches to continue to work with women after they leave the program.

I want to thank everyone who has prayed, supported, encouraged me and loved me over the last three years. You have no idea how much your messages, Facebook "likes" and heartfelt love mean to me!! If you feel God leading you to help, feel free to email me at: angiedhamp@gmail.com or message me on Facebook.

Single Moms, aka SuperHeroes!

Many people feel sorry for single moms and tend to look at us with sadness. We don't need  pity because single moms are actually equipped with super powers that other people don’t possess. In fact, we are several superheroes rolled into one.  Single moms are mutants that are a cross between a variety of superheroes, and our species allows us to do what no human can do. Jealous? You should be! We are a rare breed.

Here’s a description of a Single Mom Superhero:

Fix-It Girl - This part of a single mom enables her to fix anything. It is not in a conventional, boring way either. This superpower allows the single mom to use pink power tools and butter knives that work way better than screwdrivers. She fixes things with beauty and class, and makes tool belts and power tools look like the latest fashion statement.

Superwoman – this part of the single mom allows her to leap tall buildings and when her children are in need, she will move heaven and earth to protect, shield and take care of any need, in one swift motion. She does not whine or cry about it, either. Instead, she places her hands on her hips, sticks out her chest and puts her chin up, ready and willing to face the obstacle.

Elastigirl – Life brings twists and turns every day and plans get thwarted. This part of the single mom is so flexible, she can twist and turn around an issue or problem, at least 10 times. If she has to work and take care of a sick child, she will adapt to that schedule with no problem. When curve balls get thrown at her, she catches them in her teeth, spits them out and they become chocolate curve balls.

Catwoman – This part of the single mom is sly, and moves in quiet, stealth motion. She has incredible hearing and when her children are misbehaving or planning something mischievous, she picks up sounds no one can hear. In doing so, she cuts off rascally behavior at the pass and whips the children back into shape with her hissing presence.

Wonder Woman – You’ve heard of the seven wonders of the world, but the wonders the single mom produces are far beyond imagination. She works full-time (more if necessary), comes home after a 10-hour day, cooks gourmet meals, bakes cookies, assists with homework and projects, assures her children have clean clothes and have bathed. She  listens to problems, gives magical hugs, prays, and tucks her children into bed. She completes all of these wonders, knowing no one who will walk through the door to help, and pushes down her own needs and loneliness to ensure every need her children have is met. She truly is a Wonder!

Today, I’m sending a shout out to my Single Mom counterparts. Your job is tough, but you have been equipped with special superpowers. Ladies, place your hands on your hips, let your hair whip in the wind, stick out your chest and put your chin up. Be proud of who you are and what you accomplish every day. We are raising warriors who will change the world. Let’s do this!

One more thing....Reach out to a single mom, this Mother's Day. Buy her flowers, give her a gift card, or buy her a pedicure. Give her a hug, encourage her, and tell her she is a superhero. These small gestures are a huge boost to a single mom superhero. Be warned, though. If you dare to criticize one of my single mom counterparts, or give your best advice, I will be there to whip your eyes out. Just..don't.

Happy Mother's Day!

 

Don't Forget....

I love Christmas! Unfortunately, this time of year is so busy and often, we forget to stop and enjoy the season and the simple moments that make this time of year so special.

All week, I have talked with my clients about their "year in review," and some of the highs and lows of 2013. This morning, I woke up early and began reflection on the highs and lows of my year. As I contemplated the events of the year, I kept returning to this same thought, "I am so grateful."

The moments that brought me the most joy were so simple. Coffee with girlfriends, volleyball in the park, running on the trails near my home, watching sunsets from the balcony of my bedroom, throwing the football with my boys, jumping on the trampoline, making dance videos with Caleb. My boys...I am so thankful for the two young men God entrusted to my care.

Often, I creep in to my boys' rooms and watch them sleep. I sneak snuggles with them on the couch before they realize they are great big teenage boys and shrug out of my arms. When Noah and Caleb were young, I used to breathe in the smells of baby shampoo and lotion. Now, Axe body spray, smelly feet and some good ole' teenage boy, body odor are the scents that often meet me, when we hug. I don't care. I don't want to forget. I want to remember every moment we shared and this thought reminds me to slow down.

As 2013 draws to end, don't forget to stop and enjoy the simple moments. Drive a little slower and look at the Christmas lights around town. Spend the day in your pajamas and play hide and seek with your kids. Smile at people in the mall. Send texts to friends and family, and tell them how much they mean to you. Breathe in the scents of your children.

Most of all, don't forget to stop and read about Jesus. He is the most amazing gift and His birth is miraculous! Emmanuel, God with us and the reason we celebrate Christmas gets lost in the busyness of the holidays. Don't forget...

Life will never be perfect, and 2014 will certainly have it's highs and lows too. Slowing down, and enjoying the simple moments of life will breathe new life into your busy, cluttered life. Don't forget...It's a wonderful life!

Tell It To My Heart

Recently, a well meaning person asked me why my book, "Confessions of a Church Planter's Wife," was still in distribution since I'm not a church planter's wife anymore. Ouch. Her words cut like a knife and I responded in the most gracious and fumbled way I could. Our conversation left me wounded and with a sense of shame. The truth is, I have thought thousands of times that I should pull the book. It is true, I am not a church planter's wife anymore. I'm not a pastor's wife. I am not in ministry. I am divorced. My former life as a woman in full-time ministry seems like it was light years ago. Yet, I can't seem to let go of my passion for CP wives. 

There is not a Sunday morning that goes by, that I don't miss ministry, and the craziness of church planting. Each week, I think of the wonderful CP wives I know and pray that God gives them strength as they hustle and bustle about on their Sunday morning. My heart aches for CP wives and each time one of them contacts me via email or Facebook, I feel honored.

I never wrote my book to gain kudos or make a ton of money. I wrote the book because of the gross lack of resources for a group of women who are heroines. My dream was that the book convey to CP wives they are not forgotten and they make a difference! Church plants would never happen without incredible women like CP wives who stay behind the scenes and work their butts off to see new church plants launch. CP wives rock!

I may not be a CP wife anymore, but I have been there, done that and bought the t-shirt. I understand the pain, the frustration, the exhilaration, the toll on the marriage and children, the financial pressure, and so on. I may not be in the trenches anymore, but I still pray for CP wives. I pray for strength, provision, protection on the marriage and children, and a sense of God's presence each day.

My head tells me to stop caring and move on with my life, but try and tell that to my heart. My heart still loves CP wives and longs for them to know, "what you do matters."

"What You Do Matters," was the theme of my book and honestly, I have struggled with wondering if the work and grit I poured into writing the book mattered at all. The conversation with the person I mentioned above, further plagued my musings. Then, I received a Facebook message from someone I have never met, who bought my book for his wife. He told me how inspired his wife was by the book and asked me to write her an encouraging letter, so he could place it in her stocking for Christmas. I was humbled and knew God had sent that person at just the right time to let me know, "Angie, what you did mattered."

For those of you who bought my book, I want to say thank you. I may not be a CP wife anymore, but a part of my heart will always beat for CP wives. I am cheering you on because, WHAT YOU DO MATTERS! 

If you would like to purchase the book, here is the link on Amazon. It is also available on Kindle. http://www.amazon.com/Confessions-Church-Planters-Wife-Planting/dp/1456547690/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1386703355&sr=8-1&keywords=confessions+of+a+church+planters+wife

A Series of Unfortunate Events

I have refrained from writing over the last several weeks because I have experienced a series of unfortunate events. Car repairs, financial strain, job issues, and some medical concerns with one of my sons has left me depleted. I typically write positive, upbeat blogs because there is enough negative we hear each day and my desire is that people find hope and encouragement from my posts. Today's post is raw, but it is real.

I have been pretty upset with God over the last few weeks. Maybe you just read that statement and are shocked that I would admit frustration with God, but I am sure (at certain points in your life) you have experienced your own anger at God. The last few years of my life have been wrought with devastation, heartbreak, pain and loss. Frankly, I'm pretty tired and battle worn.

Some days I still wake up and wonder what the heck happened to my life? I miss ministry, I miss the church we planted, I miss the people who were in our church, I miss the house I used to live in, I miss having a whole family, I miss two incomes. Sometimes, I miss my old life.

Pain and deep loss are difficult to overcome. I have found that just when I work through one layer, another layer awaits me. Yet peeling through the layers is necessary and is where deep healing occurs. It's a brutal process, but I believe it is worth it. Allowing God to peel through my layers of pain is preparing me for the next step. God is not finished with me yet! I am on a journey to find purpose, even in the midst of the pain.

There can be purpose to pain. The purpose may be that we feel entitled to be mean and bitter. (I hope that all of us find more purpose that). Finding purpose in the middle of our pain doesn't mean that we skip through the daisies, so excited that tragedy hit our lives. It can mean WE make the choice to allow God to refine us, peel through our layers, heal us completely and allow Him open doors to share hope with other people.

I memorized this Scripture a year ago and am clinging to it as I allow God to peel away my layers. Isaiah 43:19 (NLT) says, "For I am about to do something new.  See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland."

Perhaps you experienced a series of unfortunate events that left you angry and battle torn. Maybe God is peeling through your painful layers and you are weary and raw. If so, let the peeling and healing commence! Because when we surrender to God and allow Him to work in us, pathways of restoration WILL happen. Those "series of unfortunate events" can lead to a series of incredible open doors. When that happens, there is purpose to the series of unfortunate events.

If you are experiencing pain and tragedy, God is doing something new and is carving a pathway through your wilderness. The wasteland is the perfect backdrop for a beautiful new landscape to be created. That series of unfortunate events can lead to a whole new exciting chapter!

You Just Never Know....

As a Professional Counselor, I was trained to understand the human brain and behavior. I was trained to have a "poker face," so that when clients share their shocking or horrific stories, I can remain calm and in control. I was trained to leave my work at work, and NOT to bring it home.

On the other hand, I was born with a big heart for other people.  I was given a gift of compassion and a desire to be kind and love people. I find such fulfillment in helping others.

So, how can these two realities coexist? How can I be a professional who leaves her work at work, maintains a professional appearance and yet remain true to who I naturally am as a person?

Since this blog is all about confessions...well I must confess, I have found this to be quite the struggle this week. There are a few clients who worry about, when I am not at work. There have been many times I have awakened in the middle of the night concerned about my clients. Last night was one of those nights..

Yesterday at our office, we received news that a teenage girl from a High School here in Parker committed suicide. A room full of counseling professionals were stunned, saddened and sickened. I began to comb through my list of clients, hoping and praying it wasn't one of mine. Thankfully, it was not, but I still had to leave my office and walk around to compose myself. As I walked outside, I sobbed as I thought about the young girl who took her own life. How was it that she felt so alone and so hopeless that she resorted to suicide? More questions followed as I thought about my caseload and wondered if I am doing enough as a therapist. Do I provide enough empathy? Should I try different techniques? Are any of my patients on the verge of taking their own lives? What more can I do to ensure none of my clients take their own lives?

I continued to wrestle with these questions the rest of the day and evening. Finally, I came to this conclusion: you just never know. I have studied suicide and read stories from people who contemplated taking their own life. Many reported that if ONE person smiled at them on the day they planned to kill themselves, they didn't follow through with the suicide on that day.

I am a competent professional, trained to help people with mental health issues, but it may not be enough. Still, the news of this suicide puts my job into perspective and motivates me to check my issues at the door, and to be ready to fully engage with my clients. Yes, there is that part of me that wants to throw my hands up and say, "forget it," but somehow I cannot. Why? Because I just never know when one of my clients may be on the verge, and that somehow being able to spend an hour in a safe place with a caring person could make the difference.

You may not be a professional counselor, but everyday you encounter people who are hurting and who are on the brink. Just a smile, a kind word or a little help may be just enough to keep them from following through with a plan to take their own life. It may sound dramatic and maybe I'm a little raw from some tough cases this week and from the heart wrenching news of a teen girl who felt she had no hope.

Still, you just never know.... So may we all be reminded to be kind, smile at a stranger, help a Mom at the store who is juggling four kids, take time to listen to a lonely elderly gentleman who wants to tell a story. Never with hold love and never be afraid to tell those people in your life how you feel. Because you just never know....

My name is Angie and these are my confessions....

It's Just a Miscarriage..

Miscarriage, spontaneous abortion, pregnancy loss...These are three common terms used by the medical field to explain the loss of a fetus before the 20th week of pregnancy. All three words cause pain in my heart, even after several years. Why? Because I lost three babies to miscarriage. Some people think miscarriages are no big deal. Miscarriage is so "common," that most women don't properly grieve the loss of their babies.

Infertility is something I struggled with for years, and getting pregnant seemed impossible, but it happened. The joy in my heart was abundant when after two pregnancy losses, I became pregnant once again. The pregnancy progressed, and I was considered high risk. I had blood work, and several ultrasounds which confirmed the pregnancy to be viable and healthy. At 12 weeks, my Doctor encouraged me to relax and enjoy my pregnancy. Somehow I could not and intuitively knew something was wrong. I went in to my doctor for an another ultrasound and at 14 weeks, my worst fears were confirmed. The beautiful baby I had seen on the ultrasound monitor so many times, alive and kicking, with a beating heart was no longer alive. My doctors were dumbfounded and I sobbed on the table in disbelief.

This past Saturday, August 17, was my due date and my daughter Grace Faith would have been have six years old. Each year I go to a special place alone and release Happy Birthday balloons to her and to the other two babies I lost. It may seem weird to some that I choose to remember this date and commemorate such an event, but for me, it is healing.

You may wonder why I am writing about this issue? Over the years, my heart has hurt as many women who were aware of my struggle with infertility and miscarriage, also shared their stories. Many also share how old their children would be, if they had been carried full term. When I lost my babies, people told me "it's just a miscarriage." I'm sure these "well meaning" people did not understand the sting their words held. For me and countless other women, it was never "just a miscarriage." These babies were real. Our bodies changed, and we knew of that sweet precious angel in our wombs. Many (like me) had the privilege of seeing the baby's heart beat and move around during ultrasounds. Either way, our sweet babies were real and we loved them.

If you lost a baby to miscarriage, your pain and your loss are real. It is okay to remember your due date and to think about what that child would have looked like. It is perfectly acceptable to commemorate your loss. Your child was real and your love for that baby was genuine.

I invite you to share your story, if you would like. You can share it here, or if you would like to do so in private, feel free to email me at: angiedhamp@gmail.com. Our babies should not be forgotten and thankfully, we have the joy of knowing they are in Heaven waiting for us!