I am amazed at the twists and turns life can take and that
no matter how hard we try, life will throw us curve balls. The good news is
that no matter what life throws our way, or the hardships we endure, there is
always hope for restoration and healing. Restoration and healing are two words
that have become a part of my vocabulary and my life, yet the road to that
place of redemption has not been easy.
On August 28, 2011, I discovered that my husband, who was a
church planter and pastor was having an affair. In a matter of 12 hours, the
life I knew completely vanished. I confronted him about the affair, alerted our
church board, we told our parents and our children, he confessed to our
leadership, and the next day, he left our home. The devastation and heartache I
experienced was so gut-wrenching and painful, there were days I felt I would
not survive. Yet, I had to figure out how to maneuver through what felt like a cataclysmic
cocktail of an earthquake, hurricane, and a tornado. My two children needed me,
so I put one foot in front of the other, to pick through the devastation and
destruction that was…my new life.
The losses were staggering and the impact of his affair was
far-reaching. Not only was I impacted, but our two children were devastated. In
addition, the dear people in our church were rocked by the news. Friends,
family, and colleagues in ministry were also affected. At times, it seemed the
carnage from the affair would never end.
I have wanted to tell my story for some time, but was
waiting until a pretty little bow was on my story. We often hear stories of
tragedy that are dreadfully painful and most of us wait with baited breath, for
the happy ending. At this point in my life, there is no pretty bow. I have come
a long way in my journey of healing, yet the consequences of the affair still
impact me. I am a single Mom and have significant debt. It will take me years
to fully recover emotionally, financially, and spiritually.
If reading my story is difficult for you, then I am glad. It
is painful to tell this story, but I must. Each time I hear of another pastor
who has engaged in sexual sin, I cringe. That sin means another pastor’s wife is left with a broken heart and her
own hurricane of emotions. It means that children are devastated and also endure
the consequences of those actions. It means churches are impacted, money is
wasted, and friends are hurt and so on and so on….The impact of an affair is a
far-reaching domino effect that is not easy to recover from.
Recovery and healing are possible and as I travel a road I
never wanted, God’s miraculous hand of protection and provision have been
evident. As I have healed, I am now stepping out to speak a message of hope,
warning, and to help pastors, pastor’s wives, children, and churches.
First, if you are a woman in my shoes, DON'T GIVE UP!
Life has knocked you down, but get up, live for God, raise your children in His
ways and fight the good fight. There is life after the hurricane. You can
survive and even thrive, once again. God is not finished with you, dear friend.
You are a heroine, who has endured some of the worst trials, but stand firm and
know that God is fighting for you.
Second, I want to send out a warning to Pastors. If you are
involved in any hint of sexual sin, STOP IT. Confess what you are doing and
get help. If you have someone you fantasize about… then go ahead. Fantasize. Then, carry that fantasy
through where you have to look into the eyes of your wife, children, and church
members and tell them what you have done. This is an epidemic and it has to
stop. You may think it won’t happen to you, but it will. Instead, stop,
confess, and get help. There is hope for you and God has a plan of healing and
restoration for you as well. Today and every day you MUST be vigilant and not
allow pride, insecurity or your own pain drive you to a place where a few
minutes of sinful pleasure are more meaningful than the family or ministry God
entrusted to you.
Third, God has given me a passion to reach out to
other pastor’s wives who have experienced the devastation of their husband’s
affairs. I have developed a four-day
intensive counseling program just for pastor’s wives. This program provides
rest, professional counseling, and tools and resources for women as they walk
their journey. Many pastor’s wives report a feeling of being kicked to the curb
by their churches and denominations after their husband’s moral failure. This
program gives them hope to know there is life after the hurricane. Flowers in
the Desert exists to provide counseling, rest, hope and resources for pastor’s
wives who have survived the devastation of their husband’s moral failure. Stay
tuned as a website and promotional materials develop.
The twists and turns of life will inevitably occur, and when
those curve balls are thrown our way, we can trust that God stands ready to
meet us in our greatest time of need. If you are a pastor in the grips of
sexual sin, God’s tender mercy and kindness is awaiting you and He will see you
through to healing. If you are a pastor’s wife who is reeling from your
husband’s moral failure, God has you in the palm of his hand. Let His redeeming
love, walk you through your journey. No matter where you are, restoration and healing
can become a part of your vocabulary too!
Angie Hamp is an “ex pastor’s wife” who has experienced the
redeeming and restoring love of Jesus. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor
and has a thriving private practice in Centennial, Colorado. In addition, Angie
teaches Psychology at two Universities. Angie’s greatest calling is to her two
amazing sons, who inspire her to live, forgive, and laugh. Angie is an crazy
Denver Broncos fan and in her free time enjoys the beautiful Rocky Mountains,
sand volleyball, golf, tennis, coffee with friends, and lots of laughter.
Angie’s motto in life is, “live life to
the fullest!”
