Just a Miscarriage?

Miscarriage, spontaneous abortion, pregnancy loss...These are three common terms used by the medical field to explain the loss of a fetus before the 20th week of pregnancy. All three words cause pain in my heart, even after several years. Why? Because I lost three babies to miscarriage. Some people think miscarriages are no big deal. Miscarriage is so "common," that most women don't properly grieve the loss of their babies.

Infertility is something I struggled with for years, and getting pregnant seemed impossible, but it happened. The joy in my heart was abundant when after two pregnancy losses, I became pregnant once again. The pregnancy progressed, and I was considered high risk. I had blood work, and several ultrasounds which confirmed the pregnancy to be viable and healthy. At 12 weeks, my Doctor encouraged me to relax and enjoy my pregnancy. Somehow I could not and intuitively knew something was wrong. I went in to my doctor for an another ultrasound and at 14 weeks, my worst fears were confirmed. The beautiful baby I had seen on the ultrasound monitor so many times, alive and kicking, with a beating heart was no longer alive. My doctors were dumbfounded and I sobbed on the table in disbelief.

Today, August 17, was my due date and my daughter Grace Faith would have been have seven years old. Each year, I go to a special place alone and release Happy Birthday balloons to her and to the other two babies I lost. It may seem weird to some that I choose to remember this date and commemorate such an event, but for me, it is healing.

You may wonder why I am writing about this issue? Over the years, my heart has hurt as many women who were aware of my struggle with infertility and miscarriage, also shared their stories. Many also share how old their children would be, if they had been carried full term. When I lost my babies, people told me "it's just a miscarriage." I'm sure these "well meaning" people did not understand the sting their words held. For me and countless other women, it was never "just a miscarriage." These babies were real. Our bodies changed, and we knew of that sweet precious angel in our wombs. Many (like me) had the privilege of seeing the baby's heart beat and their cute little wriggles, during ultrasounds. Either way, our sweet babies were real and we loved them.

If you lost a baby to miscarriage, your pain and your loss are real. It is okay to remember your due date and to think about what that child would have looked like. It is perfectly acceptable to commemorate your loss. Your child was real and your love for that baby was genuine.

I invite you to share your story, if you would like. You can share it here, or if you would like to do so in private, feel free to email me at: angiedhamp@gmail.com. Our babies should not be forgotten and thankfully, we have the joy of knowing they are in Heaven waiting for us!

Happy Birthday, Grace Faith!