Three Years Ago...Life Changed Forever

I am amazed at the twists and turns life can take and that no matter how hard we try, life will throw us curve balls. The good news is that no matter what life throws our way, or the hardships we endure, there is always hope for restoration and healing. Restoration and healing are two words that have become a part of my vocabulary and my life, yet the road to that place of redemption has not been easy.

On August 28, 2011, I discovered that my husband, who was a church planter and pastor was having an affair. In a matter of 12 hours, the life I knew completely vanished. I confronted him about the affair, alerted our church board, we told our parents and our children, he confessed to our leadership, and the next day, he left our home. The devastation and heartache I experienced was so gut-wrenching and painful, there were days I felt I would not survive. Yet, I had to figure out how to maneuver through what felt like a cataclysmic cocktail of an earthquake, hurricane, and a tornado. My two children needed me, so I put one foot in front of the other, to pick through the devastation and destruction that was…my new life.

The losses were staggering and the impact of his affair was far-reaching. Not only was I impacted, but our two children were devastated. In addition, the dear people in our church were rocked by the news. Friends, family, and colleagues in ministry were also affected. At times, it seemed the carnage from the affair would never end.

I have wanted to tell my story for some time, but was waiting until a pretty little bow was on my story. We often hear stories of tragedy that are dreadfully painful and most of us wait with baited breath, for the happy ending. At this point in my life, there is no pretty bow. I have come a long way in my journey of healing, yet the consequences of the affair still impact me. I am a single Mom and have significant debt. It will take me years to fully recover emotionally, financially, and spiritually.

If reading my story is difficult for you, then I am glad. It is painful to tell this story, but I must. Each time I hear of another pastor who has engaged in sexual sin, I cringe. That sin means another pastor’s wife is left with a broken heart and her own hurricane of emotions. It means that children are devastated and also endure the consequences of those actions. It means churches are impacted, money is wasted, and friends are hurt and so on and so on….The impact of an affair is a far-reaching domino effect that is not easy to recover from.

Recovery and healing are possible and as I travel a road I never wanted, God’s miraculous hand of protection and provision have been evident. As I have healed, I am now stepping out to speak a message of hope, warning, and to help pastors, pastor’s wives, children, and churches.

First, if you are a woman in my shoes, DON'T GIVE UP! Life has knocked you down, but get up, live for God, raise your children in His ways and fight the good fight. There is life after the hurricane. You can survive and even thrive, once again. God is not finished with you, dear friend. You are a heroine, who has endured some of the worst trials, but stand firm and know that God is fighting for you.

Second, I want to send out a warning to Pastors. If you are involved in any hint of sexual sin, STOP IT. Confess what you are doing and get help. If you have someone you fantasize about… then go ahead. Fantasize. Then, carry that fantasy through where you have to look into the eyes of your wife, children, and church members and tell them what you have done. This is an epidemic and it has to stop. You may think it won’t happen to you, but it will. Instead, stop, confess, and get help. There is hope for you and God has a plan of healing and restoration for you as well. Today and every day you MUST be vigilant and not allow pride, insecurity or your own pain drive you to a place where a few minutes of sinful pleasure are more meaningful than the family or ministry God entrusted to you.

Third, God has given me a passion to reach out to other pastor’s wives who have experienced the devastation of their husband’s affairs. I have developed a four-day intensive counseling program just for pastor’s wives. This program provides rest, professional counseling, and tools and resources for women as they walk their journey. Many pastor’s wives report a feeling of being kicked to the curb by their churches and denominations after their husband’s moral failure. This program gives them hope to know there is life after the hurricane. Flowers in the Desert exists to provide counseling, rest, hope and resources for pastor’s wives who have survived the devastation of their husband’s moral failure. Stay tuned as a website and promotional materials develop.

The twists and turns of life will inevitably occur, and when those curve balls are thrown our way, we can trust that God stands ready to meet us in our greatest time of need. If you are a pastor in the grips of sexual sin, God’s tender mercy and kindness is awaiting you and He will see you through to healing. If you are a pastor’s wife who is reeling from your husband’s moral failure, God has you in the palm of his hand. Let His redeeming love, walk you through your journey. No matter where you are, restoration and healing can become a part of your vocabulary too!

Angie Hamp is an “ex pastor’s wife” who has experienced the redeeming and restoring love of Jesus. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor and has a thriving private practice in Centennial, Colorado. In addition, Angie teaches Psychology at two Universities. Angie’s greatest calling is to her two amazing sons, who inspire her to live, forgive, and laugh. Angie is an crazy Denver Broncos fan and in her free time enjoys the beautiful Rocky Mountains, sand volleyball, golf, tennis, coffee with friends, and lots of laughter. Angie’s motto in life is, “live life to the fullest!”