I am in the thicke of writing my new book, Flowers in the Desert, A 90-Day Survival Guide For Those Who Have Experienced Tragedy. To be honest, this book is very difficult to write and comes from notes and journal entries I made following the first 90 days after my tragedy. Still, I feel compelled to write the book and will press on.
The other day I was writing about entitlement. That word sends a shudder through my veins and yet entitlement is something all of us struggle with. The sense of entitlement seems to wrap itself around peole who have experienced difficulty and yet this is a trap we should avoid. In the months following my tragedy, I took great liberties with entitlement. I felt I had a right to be angry, bitter and do anything I wanted. Afterall, somebody wounded me so didn't I have the RIGHT to also wound and hurt? Ouch.
I'm embarrassed to admit I struggled with entitlement and my right to treat others poorly. There were days I snapped at my kids, cut others off in traffic, and worst yet, allowed myself to spin in my own little courtroom of justice. What is the courtroom of justice? It's a fun little place we go where we are the judge, jury, prosecutor and defense attorney. In our courtroom of justice, we bring opening arguments about the wrong done to us. Next, we defend our actions and justify why we are the victim. Then, the jury sends down a verdict of GUILTY to the party who offended, and the judge slams the gavel and doles out a harsh sentence. It's a WIN/WIN and always gives the same results.
This is what the courtroom of justice gets you. 1. You get to be a victim. 2. You become bitter. 3. the good relationships in your life suffer. 4. you spew hate. 5. your relationship with God suffers or becomes nonexistent. 6. it eats you from the inside out, until you are a hollow shell. Yeah, that sounds like a WIN/WIN...
None of us are entitled to anything. Everyone has experienced some type of tragedy or difficulty and everyone has probably struggled with a sense of entitlement. I know I have. Entitlement has us operate out of a victim mentality and behave in ways that are unhealthy and destructive, all because we are entitled to it. Blame fuels entitlement and yet where does blame get any of us? (Oh yeah..back to the courtroom of justice).
A great strategy to deal with entitlement is introspection. In my situation, I was not blameless. I made mistakes and was far from perfect. As difficult as it is for me to admit, there are things I have to change about myself and character defects that need work. When I focus on my flaws and shortcomings, suddenly that sense of entitlement disappears.
One of my favorite Scriptures says, "This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! ( 2 Corinthians 5:17, NLT). I don't know about you, but there are things I would rather just let go of. Instead of spinning in entitlement and the courtoom of justice, may we ALL have the guts to be introspective, change those things about ourselves that need to be stripped away, and experience a NEW LIFE!
My name is Angie, and these are my confessions....
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